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A Support Group for Gay, Bi, Trans & Questioning Dads "No matter who you are,
To Provide A Safe, Supportive, Affirming, Nurturing, Social, Learning Environment For Men, Who Are Dad's And Or Their Partners From Diverse Cultural & Economic Backgrounds Identifying As, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered, or Questioning. How we treat each other: ˇ Safety & Trust -- The feeling of group and individual safety to talk about deeply person issues is founded on trust. Trust is developed by being on the outside who we are on the inside, be keeping confidences, by respecting where someone else is coming from, by refraining from prying into more than is voluntarily revealed, by remembering that each of our lives is different and that we are all on our own unique life's journey. ˇ Confidentiality -- Group members extend to each other strict confidentiality. Some members may not be 'out' at home, at work, or at church. First names are used, exchanging phone numbers, e-mail addresses is voluntary and optional. Disclosure of our list is never made. When ex-spouses or spouses become acquainted through parallel groups such as the Straight Spouse Support Network or PFLAG extra care is used to keep group names, participation or issues completely and totally confidential. ˇ No Alcohol/Drugs before or during meetings ˇ No verbal or physical abuse ˇ Listening is encouraged ˇ Speaking up is encouraged ˇ Stalking or aggressive behavior toward members or others is totally discouraged ˇ Passing is accepted ˇ Being Silent is accepted ˇ Contributing or Not contributing is accepted The group is essentially self-led and self-moderating by mature men consciously respectful of each other's experience. We try to operate with the bare minimum of structure so our energy stays fluid and flows into hearing those people who have an issue to raise. Five or ten minutes at the most are allowed for administrative activity at the beginning of meetings so that the meeting can be opened up as soon as possible for content. Organization is maintained by a Steering Committee of Co-facilitators who plans events. Decisions are made openly and by consensus always attempting to meet the needs not only of the majority but especially any minority at the fringe who may be hurting the most. Meetings are "facilitated" more than lead. A bit like a Quaker meeting we listen acutely for signs or hints from those with a current issue. Silence for a few moments is O.K. and is really a sign of good facilitating rather than the reverse. We know that many will have a topic they would like to discuss at a given meeting but that it often takes a quiet, respectful, accepting environment to begin to discuss the sometimes deeply pain full subjects we live with. The Dad's Group is a "support group" intended to be a safe place to discuss issues of common interest. Members listen, support, discuss their own relevant experiences, but stop short of giving advice or being the therapist. No one comes to the group as an expert. Our common bond is that we are all seekers. If and when there is therapeutic value it is a bonus. But this is not classic "group therapy" but a support group. Feedback, as part of communication is elicited in two ways: ˇ "I've just told my story, does anyone have any comments?" (asking for feedback) ˇ "I've just heard your story, do you mind if I make a comment?" (gaining permission). Unsolicited feedback is rude, intrusive, and abusive, and The Dads Group does not support this type of behavior. A typical group meeting format: ˇ Arriving -- Arriving and pre-meeting socialization is encouraged between 6:45PM and 6:59PM. Old members sign in, anyone and all spontaneously welcome new members, and nametags are always used as a courtesy to those who may be new or slightly nervous in this setting. ˇ Boundaries Around Time -- The meeting starts promptly at 7:00PM, and ends promptly at 8:30PM. There is a social time from 8:30PM - 9:00PM ˇ Opening announcements -- Whatever time it takes, but not to encroach on content time more than absolutely necessary. The facilitator comments on the topic for the evening, and the topic for introduction: name, number of children, what you want people to know about you, whether married or single, partnered or non-partnered. ˇ Circle introduction -- The facilitator sets the stage by commenting on a topic for introduction. We go around the circle and give our name and comment. This in some ways is a ritual, which levels the group and draws it together for the discussion that follows. It is a reminder of who we are and why we are each here. It is an expression of how diverse the group is, and is becoming. Skipping this step (imply because we all know each other) almost always results in a meeting with a slow start and the issues don't surface for another half-hour or more. ˇ Wrap up -- The facilitator draws the meeting to a close. Reminds of other meetings or events. ˇ Refreshments -- These mysteriously appear then disappear during the meeting. The Facilitators manage this part of the process. ˇ Facilitators -- The Dad's Group facilitators are self-selected with group consensus. However, there is a need to have the skill to manage the group process. This is an open forum and opportunity for those with an emergent issue to bring it up. Quiet members of the group or those timid or afraid to speak are respected equally with more forceful individuals. Care is taken to let one topic air and build and reach some degree of resolution before changing to a new topic. The facilitator may or may not be actively involved, but is present to moderate if needed. The Dad's Group is a place where dad's can discuss issues surrounding their lives and may included: ˇ Boundaries ˇ Commitment ˇ Employment ˇ Ex-Spouse ˇ Financial ˇ Legal ˇ Living Arrangements ˇ Parenting ˇ Retirement ˇ Sex ˇ Social ˇ Spouse issues ˇ The Coming Out Process ˇ What it is to be Gay and Healthy Having fun together through potlucks or other gatherings is part of the group purpose. Also as inevitably happens following meetings some sub-sets of the group may meet to socialize. Some sensitivity is needed (and has been exhibited) to not inadvertently exclude a group member who might like to be invited and participate. This includes newer members and those deemed by some to be older! Web Sites: ˇ
A "coming out" guide for gay dads ˇ
Excellent tips for "coming out" to the kids ˇ
Myths and Facts about being a gay dad ˇ
The Gay Dad -- Covers stories, coming out, legal
help, support groups and religious beliefs ˇ
LMAF - Love Makes a Family is an organization that
works for social change to create a supportive environment within our
communities and to provide a public voice for all families, especially those
subjected to social, economic, and legal discrimination due to sexual
orientation or gender identity/expression. ˇ
PFLAG - An organization composed of Parents and
Friends of Lesbians and Gays. This local organization holds a monthly support
and education Meeting. ˇ
HRC - The Human Rights Campaign - Supports our
community and has postings on GLTBQ issues ˇ
The Adventure Group - A Portland Local Group that participates
in healthy outdoor and social activities. ˇ
The Portland Front Runners - A Portland Local Group
that participates in healthy outdoor activities. ˇ
PABA - The Portland Area Business Association, the
GLBT Chamber of Commerce, affiliated with the Portland Business Alliance. Email lists: ˇ
The Gay Dad's mailing list ˇ
Gay Dad's directory Books: ˇ
Recommended reading for gay fathers. Movies: ˇ
Far from Heaven
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The DADs Group (TDG) is a social support group for men who are DADs or want to be a dad and are Gay, Bi, Trans or Questioning. The Group meets each 4th Thursday of the month from 7 PM to 9 PM at the Q Center (SE Water & Taylor). Call Brett 503.310.4723 or Terry 503.697.7004 for more information. Email for more information. |
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CopyrightŠ 2007 The DADs Group (TDG), All Rights Reserved |
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